A few days ago I was watching CBS This Morning and Gayle King was interviewing Art Garfunkel on a letter he wrote to himself- titled "A Letter to My Younger Self". I thought this was amazing and decided to do the same. So, here it goes...
Dear 13 year old Victoria,
I am now 48 years old and I want you to be aware of a few things as you stumble through life. Nothing is certain. The one thing you end up holding onto (your virginity) is stolen later by a criminal. Make sure this does not define you. You were defined as Victoria the V (virgin) in high school, which probably made you feel insecure. However remember this was YOUR decision. Your decision to hold onto something which you felt was worthy of a good person. The fact that it was taken is not the end all. It made you stronger and made you determined to prove who you really are.
College will be academically hard for you, unlike high school, so remember to read the books assigned by your professors. College will also be socially challenging. After your initial experience of moving away from home and becoming a victim, you decide to put that behind you and move on. You move back to your home city for college and join a sorority. These are good times. While you're experiencing them, you think it's the frat boys and the parties, however you later know the most memorable and lasting memories are those where you and your friends are sitting at the house eating pizza, painting rooms, working on homework or laughing so hard it hurts. These girls, will become your best friends for life. Enjoy them.
After college you meet a man who is charismatic, intelligent, gorgeous, talented and totally into you. As the two of you work together, he gets between you and your fiance at the time. You fall madly in love with this man. He is intelligent and other women try to steal him from you- but he shows you over and over that he loves you and only you. This man, although as charismatic as he seems, is damaged. There is a moment- I can still see it- where you realize this, but your insecurities keep you in the relationship. This relationship is dangerous. Be careful. At this point, I would say "End it- get out ASAP", but I know how the story ends. You stay out of confusion and out of constant abuse. The person you were is falling into a deep hole. Remember that your family is your lifeline. Call them often.
Despite the abuse, you have a child with this man. This child saves your life. You knew this when you got pregnant, because you probably did so on purpose. You had gotten to a point where you wanted to end it, but you knew if you had a child you'd stay alive for them, and you did.
Enjoy every single day of this blessing- this gorgeous little boy. You get overwhelmed, as his father goes to prison. You are in shock- but know- this is a blessing for you and your boy. This man is dangerous. As I mentioned above, I wish I could tell you to never talk to him again- but you do. You visit him a few times in prison. He is a drug addict and probably a sociopath, so he tells you everything you want to hear. When he gets out 7 years later, you are still there for him. You think you are hideously ugly and fat and that he is the only man who could love you. You are wrong- but that's okay. If you won't protect yourself- protect your child. Your child experiences emotional abuse from this man. However you don't see it. You think you are the only one being "hurt". You are wrong.
I will talk only a brief moment about your career. You do well in your career. You don't make a lot of money to start with, but you are comfortable and you love what you do. You are very talented- don't ever forget that. Your career is the only thing you really have in your life, aside family, which is worth getting up for. You feel important in this job- and that's something this man has never given you.
As I write this letter to you today, this man is shell. He has been a drug addict for over 30 years. You didn't know it when you met him, and then didn't realize how severe it was when you did. This man who has dominated your life is now at your house sleeping in your bed as you work. You have no physical or emotional relationship with him, other than knowing him for so many years.
This morning your doctor asked you "What need is being met by continuing to rescue this man"? I must say I am stumped- I don't know. I know at the age of 13 you will be overwhelmed reading this pitiful account of your relationships with men, however know that you are successful and decided to use this pain and experience as a tool to help others. You are going to work on legislation which will help victims of domestic violence. So, it's okay. You are okay. You were chosen to experience this so you could make a difference in the world.
I realize I've spent a great deal of time talking about negativity and about a failed relationship-but there's much more to your life. You break from the norm, and move away from home. You meet people who are unlike you and who teach you alternative ways to see the world. You realize
I know you want this- we want to change the world for the better. We do this. Love yourself and always treat others with kindness.
###
Dear 13 year old Victoria,
I am now 48 years old and I want you to be aware of a few things as you stumble through life. Nothing is certain. The one thing you end up holding onto (your virginity) is stolen later by a criminal. Make sure this does not define you. You were defined as Victoria the V (virgin) in high school, which probably made you feel insecure. However remember this was YOUR decision. Your decision to hold onto something which you felt was worthy of a good person. The fact that it was taken is not the end all. It made you stronger and made you determined to prove who you really are.
College will be academically hard for you, unlike high school, so remember to read the books assigned by your professors. College will also be socially challenging. After your initial experience of moving away from home and becoming a victim, you decide to put that behind you and move on. You move back to your home city for college and join a sorority. These are good times. While you're experiencing them, you think it's the frat boys and the parties, however you later know the most memorable and lasting memories are those where you and your friends are sitting at the house eating pizza, painting rooms, working on homework or laughing so hard it hurts. These girls, will become your best friends for life. Enjoy them.
After college you meet a man who is charismatic, intelligent, gorgeous, talented and totally into you. As the two of you work together, he gets between you and your fiance at the time. You fall madly in love with this man. He is intelligent and other women try to steal him from you- but he shows you over and over that he loves you and only you. This man, although as charismatic as he seems, is damaged. There is a moment- I can still see it- where you realize this, but your insecurities keep you in the relationship. This relationship is dangerous. Be careful. At this point, I would say "End it- get out ASAP", but I know how the story ends. You stay out of confusion and out of constant abuse. The person you were is falling into a deep hole. Remember that your family is your lifeline. Call them often.
Despite the abuse, you have a child with this man. This child saves your life. You knew this when you got pregnant, because you probably did so on purpose. You had gotten to a point where you wanted to end it, but you knew if you had a child you'd stay alive for them, and you did.
Enjoy every single day of this blessing- this gorgeous little boy. You get overwhelmed, as his father goes to prison. You are in shock- but know- this is a blessing for you and your boy. This man is dangerous. As I mentioned above, I wish I could tell you to never talk to him again- but you do. You visit him a few times in prison. He is a drug addict and probably a sociopath, so he tells you everything you want to hear. When he gets out 7 years later, you are still there for him. You think you are hideously ugly and fat and that he is the only man who could love you. You are wrong- but that's okay. If you won't protect yourself- protect your child. Your child experiences emotional abuse from this man. However you don't see it. You think you are the only one being "hurt". You are wrong.
I will talk only a brief moment about your career. You do well in your career. You don't make a lot of money to start with, but you are comfortable and you love what you do. You are very talented- don't ever forget that. Your career is the only thing you really have in your life, aside family, which is worth getting up for. You feel important in this job- and that's something this man has never given you.
As I write this letter to you today, this man is shell. He has been a drug addict for over 30 years. You didn't know it when you met him, and then didn't realize how severe it was when you did. This man who has dominated your life is now at your house sleeping in your bed as you work. You have no physical or emotional relationship with him, other than knowing him for so many years.
This morning your doctor asked you "What need is being met by continuing to rescue this man"? I must say I am stumped- I don't know. I know at the age of 13 you will be overwhelmed reading this pitiful account of your relationships with men, however know that you are successful and decided to use this pain and experience as a tool to help others. You are going to work on legislation which will help victims of domestic violence. So, it's okay. You are okay. You were chosen to experience this so you could make a difference in the world.
I realize I've spent a great deal of time talking about negativity and about a failed relationship-but there's much more to your life. You break from the norm, and move away from home. You meet people who are unlike you and who teach you alternative ways to see the world. You realize
I know you want this- we want to change the world for the better. We do this. Love yourself and always treat others with kindness.
###
